


Spirit Rise

by carnivalinsidemyhead



Category: Take That
Genre: Addiction, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-25 17:59:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16665556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carnivalinsidemyhead/pseuds/carnivalinsidemyhead
Summary: Mark has never forgiven himself for not being there for Robbie in the past.(Song fic centered around Mark’s song “Spirit Rise”)





	Spirit Rise

“Be steady as a rock. Watch your breath before the armies come.”  
Late 2005  
Rob is shaking. He can’t seem to catch his breath. He paces underneath the stage and tries and fails to pick up a water bottle, hoping a cool drink will help soothe him. It’s so hot. Maybe it would. If he didn’t keep dropping the damn thing because his hands won’t stop twitching. He can’t do this. He can’t do this. He’s going to go tell someone he can’t do this.

He can’t do that.

He hears the roar of the crowd all around him. His band breaking into the opening strains of Let Me Entertain You. His cue is coming any second now.

He steps up onto the stage, holds his breath, wills himself to stop shaking and picks up the microphone.

“MY NAME IS ROBBIE FUCKING WILLIAMS! THIS IS MY BAND! AND FOR THE NEXT TWO HOURS, YOUR ASS IS MINE!!”

The audience roars in delight. He exhales slowly in relief.

He can’t do this anymore.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Rob’s concert is being broadcast on television. Mark is home watching it. And feeling more and more worried. 

Something’s wrong. Rob’s too restless. He’s always had a kinetic, hyper energy on stage but this is different. It feels wrong. Mark hasn’t seen him this bad since…

He doesn’t want to think about that.

Rob’s using again. What, exactly, Mark doesn’t know. It hardly matters. He’s going to crash soon. Badly. Mark can sense it. 

And this time around, Mark will be there for him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Light the flame of the fire that was found when you were born.”

1998  
Robbie Williams is arguably the biggest pop star in the world. He’s special. He’s magical. He always has been. And the world is finally seeing this. Now that he’s not stuck in the back of a boy band anymore. Now that he’s not drunk all the time anymore. He’s where he was meant to be.

Mark Owen is a has been. He’s not special. He’s not magical. Not anymore. The world doesn’t care about the cute poster boy from a defunct boy band. Nobody wants to hear his music. Nobody believes he could have any talent.

Nobody cares enough to bother considering if he does.

He sits at the bar, nursing his third? fourth? gin and tonic and sighs. What exactly possessed him to come to a party celebrating Angels going platinum right after he got word his label was dropping him? He’s happy for Rob. He really is. He couldn’t be prouder of him. It’s just…

“They’re idiots, you know.” He turns as he hears Rob’s voice behind him.

“At your old label. They’re idiots.” Rob reaches out and gently strokes Mark’s cheek.  
“You are amazing. Your music is amazing.” He leans forward and kisses him softly on the lips.  
“Promise me you’ll never forget that.”

Mark Owen is not special. Not in the world’s eyes. But he is in Robbie Williams’ eyes.

And right now, that’s all that matters.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“In your eyes, I know that heaven lies.”

1994  
Rob has the most beautiful eyes Mark has ever seen. And they hold the promise of mischief and wildness. Of fun and danger. Excitement. Catching his eye makes Mark feel braver than he’s ever been. Makes him want to follow him to the ends of the earth and then jump off the edge together just to see what happens. Rob’s eyes are beautiful. They’re magic.

“Your eyes are so beautiful.” 

Mark frowns in confusion and stares at Rob lying next to him on the bed. Rob’s just spoken these words to him, but surely it should be the other way around?

“They’re so peaceful, you know? Gentle. Like you.” Rob pulls Mark to him and hugs him tightly.  
“I always feel safe when I look in your eyes. Like nothing could ever hurt me.” 

And Mark snuggles into him and strokes his hair and wonders just why Rob needs so very badly to feel safe. But he never asks. He doesn’t know how.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Be still. Enjoy the peace for now you have begun to lose your mind.” 

2006  
Rob hasn’t left his house in three? four? weeks. He barely gets out of bed. Doesn’t see the point. He’s dimly aware he should maybe make an effort since Mark’s here, but he can’t be arsed. And Mark doesn’t mind. 

“Mind if I join you?” Mark gestures at the empty side of the bed. Rob shrugs.  
Mark climbs into the bed and looks up at the television that’s been on nonstop since he got there.  
“What are we watching then?”  
Rob shrugs again. “Dunno. It’s all rubbish innit?”

“We could turn it off maybe?” 

Rob shakes his head. If the television is off, he might hear himself think. No good can come of that.

“All right then.” They sit and watch the program, a game show of some sort, in companionable silence. 

“What happened to that girl you were seeing? She seemed really nice. Ava? Isla?”

“Ayda. We broke up. We’re not right for each other.”

“Mmm.” Mark makes a noncommittal sound. Privately he has his doubts about that, but now doesn’t seem the time to point them out. 

Rob starts to shift restlessly, his eyes darting around the room. He needs Mark to leave. He doesn’t want him to see. To know how bad things are. How badly he’s become addicted.

“You need to take your meds now don’t you?” Mark asks. Rob nods. Mark stands up and heads toward the doorway. He’s noticed that Rob has been particularly anxious and secretive about taking his medication and it worries him, but he’s not sure what to say about it.  
“I’ll give you some privacy.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“For all I leave is flesh and bone. And that’s worth nothing without the sun.” 

2006 continued

Mark steps out of the room but keeps watching Rob. Rob doesn’t notice. So many pills. For so many ailments. That Rob doesn’t even have. 

“You’re going to kill yourself with all them pills, you know.”

Rob looks up guiltily at Mark standing in the doorway of his bedroom. 

“Maybe that’s the idea. I can’t do this anymore, Markie.” 

Mark doesn’t say anything. He picks up each pill bottle and shakes a handful of each type into his hand. Then he walks into the bathroom and fills up a glass of water and carries it to the bedroom and starts to put the pills in his mouth. 

Rob looks at him horrified and knocks the pills out of his hands. 

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, MARK?!”

Mark looks at him gravely.  
“You’re not leaving me behind. If I have to kill myself too, then so be it.” 

And Rob starts to cry.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Just give me a moment to say goodbye.” 1995 

Rob is falling apart. They can all see it. It terrifies them. But Nigel’s anger terrifies them more. Being at his whim and knowing they’re replaceable terrifies them. And putting a halt to the Take That machine so they can help Rob and risking Nigel’s wrath and their jobs terrifies them most of all. Because they don’t quite believe they are worth anything without being in Take That. 

So instead they show him the door.

Rob pleads at Mark with his eyes. They’re desperate and haunted. 

Mark pretends not to notice. If he speaks up, they’ll both be out of a job. And losing two members at once will just make it more difficult for the others.

He hates himself. He should speak up.  
“Markie?” Rob asks, his voice catching on a sob.

He doesn’t say anything. Rob looks at him in disbelief, then walks out the door.

Mark pretends not to notice. He’s got a show to do. And only two weeks to learn how to rap.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“All you have to do is say and I’ll be there.”  
2006  
“If he needs me, I’ll take a plane instantly!” Mark means it. And he makes sure the others know it.  
“We’re going to look out for each other this time around. We’re not throwing anyone to the wolves again. I’m out if we do.”  
If Rob calls him, he will be at his side in an instant. Tour be damned. The tour can fuck itself. Some things are more important. 

His best friend’s life is more important.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“They’re all waiting for you. So let your spirit rise.”

Rob never calls. Mark gets second hand reports on how he’s handling rehab and carries on touring. All he can do is wait. And hope. And write. 

And hope that Rob will hear him and believe how special he is again. How much Mark still cares.

“You. You’re such a big star to me…”


End file.
